So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
