He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
