I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
