Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
