I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
