I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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