I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is her dick bigger than yours?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
