The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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