you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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