Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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