i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
