I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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