I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
