She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
