You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
