I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
