I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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