he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
