4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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