Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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