Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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