Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
