omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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