good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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