Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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