I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize