The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize