2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
