I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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