hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
