I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
