she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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