You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
