You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
