she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
