His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
