There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
