My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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