DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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