I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
