My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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