you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When are your genitals available?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize