is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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