Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
