Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize