I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
