i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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