My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize