this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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