I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
