someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
