epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
