oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
