I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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