the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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