some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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