I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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