Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
