Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
