sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
